It's la la Logey

might happen

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 05:24:35 GMT

I feel like I might pick this up again. I guess I should probably get a clean slate. Seeing that Id like to have a different start on things.

Be nice to see some comments if anyone would like to keep in touch. As ill probably be making a new journal.

tiny break through.

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 20:46:00 GMT

Ive been listening to music since 9 o'clock this morning to now. It helpped me feel a bit better but I think some fresh air and exhausting heat waves might do the trick for me. I have nothing in my wallet but a twenty dollar bill and since I have no one to use it on. Its all going to my stomach. I seem to have lost my ID. But the chances of me being mauled beyond recongnition by a gang of rabid racoons/girls dont seem very likley. So I dont really need to worry about that. I also dont plan on doing anything illegal either.
I seem to be at a fork in the road though (well its more of a T-shaped than fork shaped). I think Ill just go both ways. I have enough time for each destination. I still need to manage it well.

wow that was kind of optimistic.

Id give you everything you want for just a little peace of mind.

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 01:37:49 GMT

I guess I cant expect to keep anyone interested for so long. I should know by now when to back off. I guess Im fine with that, or I will be at least. eh anyways
I practiced driving again, I did a horrible job. I almost ran my brothers friend over, I ran a stop sign, and I bumped into my dads car while parking. Im going to try to stick with it though, cant give up on this. I normally would by now. Im so sick with being a timid guy. Being at least a little bit more outgoing would be a great help to me right now. I really wanna leave everything/everyone behind sometimes. Who doesnt feel that way though?

on a lighter note. I took a walk tonight. After ten minutes I took a break and sat on a bench and looked at the stars (sounds cheesey but its alot prettier than looking at huge houses). While I was sitting a tiger came up and sat on my lap. She was annoying and nice, so I named her Logan.

Thu, 20 Apr 2006 00:14:10 GMT

I dont think I ever knew anyone as well as I thought I did. I feel really silly and embarassed now.

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 16:14:19 GMT

I wanna get better at being me. Im open to suggestions.

Thu, 13 Apr 2006 18:36:54 GMT

I get sick every night I hang out with people. I hope Im not allergic to friends or anything. If thats so, then I guess its worth the belly aches and the stuffy nose.

Sea captain in need of companions

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 01:38:53 GMT

I think adventures are alot more exciting than parties. I just wish more people agreed.

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 22:03:38 GMT

I finally sat down last night and startedd drawing again. I started off with some simple cartoon ideas to get me started, and then moved on to facial features (lips nose eyes blah blah). While that doesnt sound very productive, it kind of helpped me get off of the artists block I've been going through with for the past few weeks. If I only had a steady amount of supplies and some inspiration to spark something. I could get back on the ball and make up for the year I wasted. I keep having doubts that it might be a lost cause. My Dad keeps telling me that Im not passionate about anything, that really makes me upset.
Despite my recent change in attitude. I still think I wait around too much. Ive made a tiny improvement. But I know I can do better. I guess I still have fears that I might miss out on something. I have a history of being at leaving the right place at the wrong time. Of course I cant think like that though. I just need to stop thinking so much. Ive been kind of good about that latley, well Ive gotten better I think. I mean. dont think. yeah :P
I think I might take a walk to the park tonight or tommarow. I kind of have alot of energey, I need to put it to good use.

If anyone in lj world would like to hang out sometime this week. Be sure to let me know and Ill try to make something work!

Fri, 31 Mar 2006 01:47:29 GMT

Im kind of hoping for faster paced weekend to make up for the slowness of this week. I guess Ill have to try to do something about that.

I didnt do much of anything yesterday or today. But Im still not going to give up on opperation: re-build self esteem.

Things will be okay. I just know it.

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 00:46:06 GMT

Parenting must be difficult.

I get upset easily.

baby steps

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 03:54:47 GMT

Today wasnt too productive for me. these past two days went by pretty fast. I mostly spent them day dreaming and napping. It was kind of relaxing. I went on a walk because the weather was nice. I also dont know the sun very well, and I dont think he knows me much either. Id like to be more acquainted with him. I have noticed that he usually gives my skin a rough time. But this is the "sunshine state" after all. I cant hide under the shade forever.

On my way home. A woman asked me to help her husband push her car into a different parking space. So me, her husband (i guess) pushed her car into a spot while this guy john steered. John was also bigger than me, go figure. I felt kind of good about that. Even though the other person was pushing most of the car. Tommorow Im going to learn how to drive. I hope that goes well. I think the only time I was ever behind a wheel was at an arcade. And I wiped out while playing.

Im really hoping for this week to help me progress into being a better person. Even if its just small improvements.

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 08:24:04 GMT

I really wish i could sleep. Im feeling kind of sick. on top of that one of may cats was sleeping on my pillow, hes a strange cat and has alot of battle scars on him. Im kind of scared of him so I slept on the oppisite end of my bed, wich was very uncomfortable. Then once I started feeling sleepy, my bro walked in with a few kids and woke me up. now a few hours have passed and i woke up to make something to eat. My thinking-2-about-stuff habit doesnt really help either.

Im really cold and the AC just kicked on. so Im going.

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 04:38:21 GMT

Im kind of content with tonight. I really need to stop thinking so badly of myself. I think its workable.

yes i said workable..

now THATS wordiology.

Fri, 24 Mar 2006 04:09:11 GMT

Chasco fiesta is happening soon. As scarey I think port richians are.(pirates..meep!) i really wanna be around people, wether i hate them or not.

Im too lazy to type correctly (like i EVER do..) I really dont think i shodulve drank tonight.

I really wish i liked everyone. everyone should be liked. and im sick of being hateful

pretty much the theme song for this week

Mon, 20 Mar 2006 00:31:00 GMT

IM SO LONLEYYY

WANNA DIEEEEE

IM SOOO LONLEAAAAAYYEE

WANNA DIIIIEEEE

IF I DEAD ALREADYYY

girlyouknowthereasonwhy.

Sat, 18 Mar 2006 04:36:33 GMT

I dont understand why Im so needy. I walked up to sims park today to see if someone maybe there.
ANYONE even. I think I deserve a swift knock in the head. Because I really need to get out of this mood.

theres an ant on my table giving me a mean look.

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 08:48:25 GMT

I had another weird dream that had to do with a girl I use to like during high school. I woke up with half of my body asleep, I had trouble straightening out my arm. It seems like things like this is the only spontanious thing that happens to me anymore. I feel really strange, I dont understand it.

Tom is going to go party tommarow, but I have other plans.

Thu, 16 Mar 2006 00:53:29 GMT

I think I should give up on music. Since all the other musicians gave up on me.

Wed, 15 Mar 2006 16:06:32 GMT

I just had a dream that a girl turned me down when I asked her out. So much for the saying "in YERR dreams boi"

Clyde: TAKE THIS COPPERS GAGAGAGAGA

Sun, 12 Mar 2006 05:47:32 GMT

Well tommarow morning Im filling out a Holly wood video application. I hope it works but I have serious doubts. If this doesnt work Im seriously considering taking up a life of crime. It seems to be working well with my brother. So if anyone is game for the title of "get away driver" let me know in a few days. It will probably take me a while to find a scarey mask and one of those bags with the $ symbol on them though.

I wanna sleep but my brother has kids in my room. Im getting a headache. So I guess I will just go wander around the house like I do every other day.

Thu, 09 Mar 2006 03:39:11 GMT

I kind of want to go to the country and be a hermit. I dont mean this in a sad way or anything. Id just like to see snow again. And being alone isnt so bad anyways, Im getting used to it.

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 06:07:30 GMT

I need sleep. But I really hate my bed.

bitter

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 06:48:50 GMT

Im going to be Mean Mr. Mustard when I grow old

thats really sad

Too bad I wont have a pam

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 02:42:10 GMT

It was really nice to get out last night. Eye contact was limited though...I really need to work on that.

I wrote something on guitar today. I think I have about three or four ideas. They each need to be mapped out. Coming up with harmonies should be easy. Ive done it before, its nothing that would make anyone melt. Though that would be nice. I still think it COULD work. Im just missing out on lyrics. I guess I can always just work something in with the harmony and just sing about something I think the music could match with.

I noticed that all my lj friends are girlzzzz. Isnt that gross?

Thu, 02 Mar 2006 18:21:25 GMT

I got a call from the army reserves. I didnt answer, I was scared. I know thats stupid of me. Its not like Im anti-goverment or anything. Im well aware of what the goverment does for us. Im not one to say if its evil or good. Im just not an army type. I also only have a GED. I woudlnt have a future in that area so Im not interested. Im also afraid of being sent away. wuss.

Few minutes later I saw a man in camoflauge park in front of my house. That scared me even more. What scares me more than talking over the phone with someone is talking to someone face to face. I walked in my room and closed the door. I was really nervous and I didnt want to deal with it.

My mom noticed my reaction to the guy parked out front. After a minute or two he drove away. He didnt even walk up to the door. I got into a conversation with mom about how I get scared over such small things. How it affects my ability to go get a job.

Everyone who is friends with me should know by now that I am naturally just a lazy kid. But Im also a very nervous, I tend to over analyze EVERYTHING as well. So everyone probably thinks that im just too lazy to get a job and I use every excuse I can think up to not get one. And for a while I did

ohh I dont live near anything good
I want a job with insurance
My acne is just wearing down. why would I want to go to fry food and get it all back?

Most of that is bull shit. A job is a job. So a few times I really went out to get a job. I saw a few places that look to be hiering but. I just CANT walk up there and ask. I get scared, Im not sure of what but I kind of start to panic and get pretty nervous. I dont know if Im just being lame becuase Ive put it off for so long. Or if something is wrong with me. I really dont know what to do.
Mom wants me to go talk to someone, she suggested someone at my aunts church. Yeah...like faith is really going to help. I dont want a pep talk. I dont really want pills either. I try to use medititave techniques to see if that can help but my mind wont stay in one place. I start thinking about stuff too much to concentrate on anything. Mom wants me to talk to dad about it. He only lectures me and tries to change the problem to something else. He doesnt want anything to be wrong with me. Not to say that anything is wrong with me...Im just not sure. Itd be really embarassing to go to someone and find out Im just childish. Id look like someone who just creating another excuse to get by. I dont know

Holly wood video is up for job apps. I wanna do it but I just dont know if Im right for that kind of job